Monday, January 26, 2015


Oh to have a personal breviary of prayer appear fully formed before me. It would be in an unknown language that rings bells, horns, and resonances. The language itself would work. English is terrible for prayer.

The only prayer I've been able to construct so far:
listen, listen
I will listen

>listen, listen [heard]
—I will listen [first person]

Another form of prayer, which is a searching (vs. meditation, an annihilation), is searching for the sense of cumin and an awareness of a push behind your neck. This is a searching for revelation of path.

A personal form of meditation that is not quite meditation is unspooling the nerve endings to experience the deeper reality. I don't quite eradicate the self. Too prideful for that often.

Further notes:
Meditation: You are only in the present.
Prayer: You can ask for the future.
And/Or: As developed by Freud, when two narratives in a dream are simultaneously true. Very helpful.

I need something to imply an "and" that doesn't just mean two separate things that are mentioned at the same time, but two definitions that should be subsumed into one thing. Because one word is never enough. Other possibilities: and[And], and/into, and/simultaneous, and/the, /, < >. It is what is suspended between two words that is important.

God< >Universe

It's the space in between that I'm [not]talking about.

Wow. This is horrid.

The hopeless dictionary

I promised myself, or swore, that I would attempt to approach God every day. But it's hard when you don't belong to a religion and have no set prayers.

A beginning of a hopeless dictionary:

a: The Universe, the all, everything.
b: That which is both perceivable and larger and deeper than perception, as approachable either by sensory experience or process of imagination to produce a sensory experience. Even when failed at. And not a good definition at all.
c: The sum of all motion of the Universe (motion/communication as beginning to be understood as the basis of all reality/phsyics)

The Universe
a: God.
b: See above, plus the infinite and all physicists and metaphysicists have ever written.

a: Everything.
b: Connotationally that which is perceived through the senses. I don't think people include 11 other string theory dimensions or universes.

Deeper Reality
a: Shortcut evocation of experiencing connotational Reality +.

a: Vocalization of an invocation of God (or object of worship as Merriam-Webster says), whether externally verbalized or internally verbalized.
b: A reaching out to God as something external to oneself.

a: A sinking into oneself until the boundaries of the self are dissolved. No verbalization.
b: Neurologically certain parts of the brain, those in charge of self-consciousness, go dark, while the temporal lobes light up.

a: The personal or subjective experience of God/union(communion) with the larger and deeper and infinite.

a: The physical manifestation of the unseen.

Subset of rules:
Prayer can lead to meditation. Meditation does not lead to prayer.
Mystical does not equal magical. Magical is lesser but an attempt at perception of it can be the first crossing or threshold.

All of this is very muddy because, let's face it, if you're talking about it you are inaccurate. We're just people. We're just little biological beings whose perception of things is limited to brains and synapses and electricity. But, you can experience some pretty wonderful things through it, and it doesn't mean it's pointless to think about it and attempt to approach the experience of it.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

August's rules

It is compulsory to run everywhere, even if it's only 10 steps away.
Everything should be fun, absolutely everything. Eating. Bathing. Cleaning up. Pooping. Not only does he read while pooping, when he's called out to us that he's finished he grabs the shower curtain next to him and pulls it over his face to play peekaboo.
Everything is play.
Everything should be eaten with hands. It's easier and more fun.
Don't press the button for the elevator to come until everyone is standing next to the door.
Have a new favorite color every day.
No stepping on cracks—alligators will come out and get you.
You must run everywhere. This cannot be stressed enough.
Anything can be a bad guy. There, that tree is a bad guy! We have to get it!
Glowsticks are more beautiful than the moon [that's the one that really gets to me]
Cars can too go on train tracks, don't tell me how to play [I think he's right on this one]
Naps should only be taken after you've first insisted you're not sleepy, and then do an about-face and say No wait, I am sleepy. That'll keep them on their toes.
Parents are forgetful and may not recall there actually IS dessert in the cupboard. It is your responsibility to always ask. If you do not, any lack of dessert is your own fault.*
Never talk to strangers, even if you're a grown-up. Not to store clerks, not to police officers, not to people in the building whose name you've forgotten.

There are many more. But I would like to do a little book of the rules of being a kid, because they are so much better. The best rules: run everywhere. Everything should be fun.

*side note: I always thought the phrase was "just desserts", assuming someone was getting an awful plate of something gross rather than a delicious cake or something, because they only deserved glop. But no, it's "just deserts", the "desert" being a form of "deserve". I feel it loses its evocative nature.